It’s been a minute. Not gonna lie, like 4 years of a minute. I’ve been stressing out and living life to the, okay, not the fullest. I’ve left the world of Starbucks and ventured out into the wild. I have my license in Massage Therapy, and am happily making a semi-decent living pushing on people to help them feel better. The fact that people pay me to do this is awesome, and I am very fortunate to do something that I love every single day.
After trying for 4 years, 2 years ago Eric and I had a son, and I found out that I have PCOS, something that was suspected about 8 years ago, but never confirmed, and then told I didn’t have 5 years ago, and was officially diagnosed with 2 years ago after having my son, Aidan, by my OBGYN (you try sorting that shit out in your head without a fucking headache, good luck).
So, fast forward to now.
I am 260 lbs. At the halfway point of 2018, I was up to 282 lbs, and managed to get myself down to 255, before gaining a little back when I was no longer consuming PCOS compliant foods.
So, I have to bump a little about what I’ve been trying to achieve. It’s hard, feels nearly fucking impossible at times, and in fact, is currently non-existent because you know, stress and shit.
I won’t make excuses for not being compliant, that would be irresponsible of me, and quite frankly, cowardly. Quite frankly, I’m not willing to do that.
It’s hard. Being PCOS compliant is hard. Harder than Atkins, harder than trying my hand a Keto, and harder than just good old fashioned portion control and calorie counting.
Why is being PCOS compliant hard? One, no dairy. Fucking shit balls, no dairy, with the exception of butter. Why can’t you have dairy? You can’t have dairy because it raises testosterone levels in your body, which throws your hormones out of wack (Still cries at the loss of cheese and cream for my coffee). What am I doing about it? Well, can I just tell you that I haven’t been very good at this? SHOCKER, I know. Okay, so I know I need to get on that, but I hate every minute of this concept. Two, no gluten, or sugar. This one isn’t super hard for me, since I’ve done low carb relatively successfully in the past, but it is still a struggle when you have a family, and literally everyone in your household hates vegetables, and could eat pasta and bread and candy until they’re blue in the fucking face without much physical punishment. Sugar and such, is my main enemy, because it creates insulin resistance, and makes you lethargic and nearly unable to lose weight because the insulin resistance just makes you hold onto your fatty-fatty-no-friends physique like you’re in starvation mode all day every day.
Which brings me to the excerise (literally laughing hysterically at the idea of doing more physical activity than pushing on bodies all day). Okay, so I used to be a cardio junkie, I could run on an eliptical for like an hour at a time.
Guess what’s bad for PCOS? Long periods of cardio(slams head repeatedly into wall at the loss of the one thing I used to like to do for exercise). Guess what I should have been doing? Basically focusing on getting swole (just kidding), because an increase in muscle mass equals an overall decrease in insulin resistance. Damn, good thing I already look like I bench-press buses.
Going forward all I can do is try. Try really hard to be better. I will be getting myself back on the wagon.
Last May, I started the process of cutting carbs and saw a lot of great results, I stayed pretty damn close to 80% compliant constantly from May to December of last year. Then I fell apart. This is hard for me to admit. I didn’t just fall of the wagon, I kind of tuck-and rolled and laughed maniacally while rolling down the hill holding baguettes and bowls of macaroni and cheese while gulping heavily creamed coffee other sugar-laddened beverages.
There are days where I hate myself for getting set back again. Then I remember, unfortunately, I am human, and I’m limited to human impulses, and probably have a pretty unhealthy food addiction. It’s painful to think about getting my shit together, but hair-loss, unwanted facial hair, weight gain when looking at a sandwich, hidradenitis suppurativa (if you don’t know what this is, google it, and cry with me), and my personal favorite, infertility, these are even more painful that pulling my head out of my ass and being better than I have been, with the understanding of allowances for human error, because I promise you I will fuck up, monthly if I’m lucky, daily if I’m feeling particularly self-destructive.
The End…….
For now………….
Fruits of Wisdom 